Jul 31, 2020
Is that a U.F.O.? Nah, it’s just our monthly B-movie bonus episode! Get ready for it, because we’ve got all our terrifying death lasers set to disintegrate this time. We’re talking about Tim Burton’s peculiar and pretty dang silly film, Mars Attacks!
Let’s kick off this episode by pissing off loads of Tim Burton fans! That’s what all good podcasts about movies are supposed to do, right? Just alienate (ha!) all their current and future fans, yeah? If that’s the secret sauce to crafting a well-known podcast, then we’ve got it!
Nah, we’re just kidding. We love Tim Burton’s movies, even the weird ones that certain podcast co-hosts really shouldn’t have seen when they were as young as they were. Seriously, friends, don’t show your children this movie. Sean was pretty dang scarred for a while after seeing it.
As for the film itself, we think this might actually be a pretty accurate representation of what would happen to the planet is malicious Martians ever visited us. There would be loads of destruction, a whole lot of ACK ACK ACKs, and waaay too many less than intelligent people doing what they’re best at: being dumb.
Will there be body swapping between a woman and her dog? Yep. Will Pierce Brosnan get decapitated? Of course. Will there be loads of probes? Yeah, probably. These are freaky, maniacal aliens we’re talking about here. Why wouldn’t there be probing?
It’s okay, though. These terrible Martians have a deadly Achilles’ heel. Just like all living beings, they’re susceptible to terrible country music. You heard it here first. The one thing that will save us all in the future is the twangy croonings of some long dead, cowboy hat-wearing white guy. Thanks, country music!
At the end of the podcast, there’s really only one thing left for us to try to figure out. Mars Attacks! is definitely a high-caliber B-movie. It looks pretty dang good for a mid-‘90s sci-fi film and its fun moments are a blast. Does that make it B-movie brilliance or is it a terrible B-movie blunder? Listen through to the end of the episode to find out for yourself!
(Recorded on June 25, 2020)
Links to Stuff We Mentioned:
Here’s that Joker tv takeover video that Steven referenced during the podcast. That’s some good ‘80s filmmaking there.